Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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