I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
