What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She announced her abortion via fbk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
