all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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