remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
