I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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