I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
