pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
