I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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