You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
