Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
