just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
