wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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