Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
