it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
