He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
