In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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