I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
