At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
