How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
