On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Small penises have feelings too.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
