But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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