im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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