I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize