Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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