if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
