Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
