Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
