first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
