he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
