can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
