I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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