Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
