I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
