get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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