what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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