I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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