i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
