Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
