Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
