So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
