and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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