yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
