Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
