My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
