Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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