hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
