I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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