Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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