So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
