We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So many bounce houses so little time
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
