At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
