You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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