i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My bed smells like the plague
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
