It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
