yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
