so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
