OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
