He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
