1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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