1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
