Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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