am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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