i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
