I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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