My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
