I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
