I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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