Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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